Is the Fourth of July the Best Holiday of the Year?

I feel like I ask this question every year on the Monday after the Fourth. Maybe it's because this is such a miserable day every year that it makes the Fourth seem way better than it is, but i'm starting to think it might be the best holiday of the year. I've always been a big Christmas guy. Christmas is an excuse to not think about how shitty winter in the North East is. But I still think the Fourth of July takes it for sure. It' like a little taste every year of what it's like in heaven I think. Because like if someone offered you an eternity of Fourth of July weekend you'd take it no questions asked right? You'd do whatever you had to. It doesn't matter what god you believe in or what church you go to. You take that 1 million percent of the time. I'm pretty sure you could confine me to a lawn chair for the rest of my life. If that lawn chair was next to a cooler and a grill on Fourth of July weekend, I would do it. These are just facts. I could figure out logistics later. And the best part about the Fourth is that the only reason you need to have to participate is that you're American! None of this bullshit about having to say "Happy Holidays" or you're gonna offend someone, or not being able to dress up for Halloween because you're gonna offend someone. There's one rule for the Fourth of July. Hey, do you live in this country? Sweet, let's fucking hang out and drink all weekend because we can. Because this is America. Afterwards we can all go back to celebrating our own holidays in our own little groups, but for one weekend every year we get to all be drunk for the same reason. Because we live in the best country in the world, and they give you a day of for this shit.

Tim Howard Stands on His Head, Team Falls Short In Front of Him. (Sound Familiar?)

Way too soon to be flashing back to the Cup Final already, but that's the only thing I could think of, watching yet another team I root for falling short in front of a goaltending performance for the ages. Just another wasted effort from a dude who literally could not have done anything more to keep his team in a game they should never have been in for long enough for them to get lucky one time. It's a damn shame.

Seriously though, less than 2 minutes into the game Timmy's on his ass stopping break away. From that point on you kinda had an idea of how this game was gonna go. Kinda the way the Rangers knew from the start of the series that they would have their work cut out for them with the Kings, but somehow they stayed in long enough to make it interesting.

I guess what i'm saying is that the United States is out of the World Cup, and i'm probably gonna go back to watching soccer only very infrequently and not for any reason other than that nothing else is on TV at the time. But soccer fan or not, you're not really a person if you're not sick for Tim Howard. Just the fact alone that he could stay out there and not just walk off the field as he watched his boys run around kicking at air is a testament to the human spirit or whatever. You can bet your house that if that's me out there, i'm gone after Wonderlowski whatever the fuck his name is misses that wide open net. Wouldn't even come out for extra time. I'd give Jergs my goalie gloves and go get fucked up in Rio. But Howard came out and was fucking awesome except for 2 goals that he really had no chance on anyway. If the US win that game, Tim Howard would have gotten the Oshie treatment, and he would have deserved every second of it.



PS: I love how people are getting upset now that our best athletes aren't playing soccer. Like how if LeBron James had just gotten into soccer as a kid, all of our World Cup woes would end. Fuck off. I don't know about you, but i'm not putting my kid on a soccer team. No way. We're just gonna keep putting our kids in tee ball.

PSS: How is tee ball even a sport? How is that the bridge to baseball for young kids? That's like a version of hockey with no goalie and you start with the puck on the goal line of an empty net and you have to try to score on that net. How lazy is that shit??

USA Advance to Knockout Round in the Softest Possible Way

I know what I said before about getting to the next round any way possible. I meant it at the time for real, but the bottom line is that that was the softest fucking thing I've ever seen. How stupid do you think USA fans look celebrating that loss? Obviously this is huge for USA Soccer cause they've never advanced to the knockout round two years in a row. So that's pretty sweet and i'm proud of that. But we as a nation cannot be on twitter shitting on Germany who basically just soccered circles around us for 90+ minutes. That's not a good look, America.
Backing in is never a good feeling. The only way to make this worth celebrating will be if they can manage a win vs Belgium in the next round. That would make it all worth it. If not, then the USA just basically stole a spot in the round of 16 from a team who actually deserved it. I don't know a whole lot about Belgium, but if they're soccer is as good as their waffles, the  boys might have their work cut out for them.


PS: I'm all for having pride and stuff but I feel like if the United States aren't gonna buy into this whole diving thing they might not make it too much further. Look at Germany. True professionals. Scweinsteiger spent more time on the ground than he did on his feet today and look at the result. Big W for his team. I think it's time we stop showing how tough we are by playing with broken noses and concussions and hamstring injuries, and start proving how good we are at soccer by falling down a lot.

No Ties. Beat Germany.

Fuck all this "let's just tie the Germans and move on to the next round" bullshit. Anyone who says that shit isn't really American. We don't tie in stuff. Remember how bad that tie felt last time? You woulda thought we lost. Everybody knows ties are like kissing your sister. And the only thing worse than kissing your sister, is if you have to kiss your sister and she's German. The only option is a win. Nobody wants to back into the next round with a loss, or have some conspiracy tie where everyone's in on it. That's pussy shit. I want a win, and I don't think I'm the only one. Right? Good.



PS: Disregard everything i just said. Just get to the next round whatever it takes. I think they just have to not lose by like 5. That's fine. Shoot for that. Sure maybe that's setting the bar low, but this is the only competitive sport I have since hockey is over. I cant stay awake during baseball. It's crazy. Why does this time of the year even exist? Call up the Germans. Let's make a deal. Sit on the ground for 90 minutes and have a picnic for all I care. 0-0 and we'll see you in the knockout round. USA! USA!

#beatgermany #tiegermany #losetogermany #whateverittakes

I Only Watch Soccer for the World Cup and That's OK

Before we get started here, let's get a few things straight,

soccer (n.): sport where you kick a ball at a goal.
football (n.): sport played on 100 yd field with 2 end zones.
futbol (n.): does not exist in America.

So I don't wanna hear it.

Been taking a lot of shit lately from a few soccer friends for being pumped for the World Cup. Apparently, I'm not a member of the exclusive group of soccer super-fans who are allowed to get excited for an international sporting competition (mind you, one of the most popular in the world). Basically what I'm trying to say is that telling me I don't watch enough soccer to be into the World Cup is like telling me I'm not into curling enough to get jacked for the Winter Olympics. Are you kidding me? Never watched a second of regular season, club curling. Doesn't mean I wont don my USA curling jersey (jersey?) and go hard for my country.

With that said, I will watch the World Cup. I will root for my country until they are inevitably chased from competition in the earliest possible elimination round. And I will not watch the sport again until the World Cup next year. 2 years? 4? I don't know.. its soccer...