Miami Is Giving Lebron the Cleveland Treatment

Hey, Miami. Calm the fuck down. When Lebron left Cleveland, they had a reason to be pissed off. Their prodigal son from right around the corner had just dropped the city on its face for a more attractive, championship caliber city. That fucking stings. Especially when you're in Ohio. Miami should be giving Lebron a farewell parade! If Lebron never went to Miami, the only thing they'd have to cling to would be Pitbull. Look, I fucking hate the guy more than anyone, but you can't argue with the fact that he delivered 2 championships and gave a generation of horrible bandwagon fans something to talk about for a couple of years. Is Lebron good for basketball? No. Is Lebron good for any city in the league besides Miami? Fuck no. But was Lebron good for the Heat and their idiot fans? Absolutely. They were fucking perfect for each other.

You know what, as much as I love that he got himself into this mess, I can't not kinda feel for him. This is going to end so badly for him and he has no clue yet. This dude is such a self-centered, "me first" kinda guy that he actually cannot foresee this going any  way but the way in his head. This is a guy who completely believes that Cleveland is going to welcome him back like the prodigal son. Like the hometown hero who is returning after he had been ripped from their arms. But that's the thing. He wasn't ripped from them. He left willingly. And he shit on their faces on the way out. I can't even imagine how much a Cleveland Cavaliers fan who was watching that national TV broadcast would hate Lebron. That doesn't go away. When you see people burning jerseys in the street, that's real hatred. And King James is gonna feel every bit of that hate for real.

Lebron Is Taking His Talents (Back) To Cleveland

Bang. Just like that, the "where will Lebron go?" saga ends, and the "return of the King" saga begins. Seriously though when it comes to being the worst person in the world, there's no one better than our boy Lebron. But you almost have to respect what he's doing here. Like the size balls you need to have to actually say "I'm coming home", when you're going back to a place that you basically bent over, fucked, and then didn't call, is crazy. Just massive brass balls.

I just don't understand how this deal gets done when Lebron and Dan Gilbert hate each other so much. Gilbert publicly eviscerated Lebron after he left the first time. Dude just straight up called him a pussy basically in a public letter to the fans. And Lebron has said publicly that he's still mad about that. So obviously this is just the world's biggest publicity stunt right? That's the only reasonable explanation. Both of these guys must realize that this is gonna suck but it's gonna be a media circus for obvious reasons and that makes it worth it. Right? I don't know, I can't keep up with this bullshit. I'm just glad there wasn't a TV special this time.


PS: #1 Google search in Cleveland right now has to be "how to un-burn a jersey?"